by Sherri Lojzer November 30, 2021, 12:00 PM
Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable and the way we perceive what our boundaries should look like can seem confusing or unusual to a neurotypical brain.
Here are a couple of things to keep in mind when setting boundaries for yourself that takes into consideration not only the impact on you but also on those around you and the outcome you are looking to achieve.
- Know yourself: creating boundaries that are in alignment with your values are important to ensure you can be consistent and thoughtful. Self-awareness of your own values can also help you feel confident in those boundaries.
- Know your goals for yourself: knowing what you want to achieve and ensuring they do not conflict with your values will help you stay on track and again be consistent.
- Know your impact: boundaries are meant to protect us, but they should not alienate us or have needless harmful consequences to others. Knowing the impact does not mean you need to change the boundary, however, it may mean you need to be conscious of those who it will impact and if this impact is unintentionally harmful will allow you to maintain healthy relationships as well as healthy boundaries
- Know when to hold 'em: clearly defined boundaries aligned with your values and goals help make it clear when you need to stand firm with those boundaries.
- Know when to fold 'em: sometimes we can consciously choose to be flexible with boundaries under extraordinary circumstances. When we are not putting ourselves at risk of any damage or harm to be flexible, this is completely acceptable, as long as we are able to reinstate those boundaries without difficulty.
- Always celebrate: holding firm on a boundary can be hard and uncomfortable, so it is really important to ensure that when we have done it well, we give ourselves a much-needed dopamine response by taking a moment and celebrating ourselves.
Boundaries are a tough area for most people because we are wired to always be in tune with our social circles. However, we also tend to surround ourselves with what is familiar because of that old wiring. What is familiar is not necessarily the right thing for us and as we learn and grow, it is reasonable to know that we can create new boundaries even at the risk of challenging those social circles.
Share your wins with us on how you have effectively built a boundary.